Wild Horses Forever

If you could be any animal in the animal kingdom, what would you choose? I actually think about this question a lot because I don't have much else to do. I think the answer is unequivocally a wild horse. Have you guys seen wild horses in action, they're beautiful. And not beautiful in a like I want to bang horses kind of way, but like in a majestic way. And I'm not talking about like farm horses either. Fuck saddles and shit. I just want to be grazing on the plains and getting in foot (hoof?) races with my homies. Like, have you ever seen a wild horse just galloping? I just spent 20 minutes on Youtube watching videos of wild horses and it was the best decision I've made all day. Wild Horses forever. 

People are gonna say "C'mon you have to be something scary" and to them I say neyyy. (Probably the best pun I've ever used) First of all, horses are the scariest animals in the entire world, they'll kick you in the jaw just because you're giving off a bad vibe. Second of all I don't particularly think that you have to choose something scary. Like 37% of people are going to choose dog because you can just chill and eat and chew up sneakers all day. That doesn't sound scary to me at all. 

Some people are going to choose Lion, but uhhh newsflash, have you seen The Lion King? If you choose lion, then your brother will kill you and run Pride Rock into the ground, it's inescapable. Lion King side note: you named one of your sons Mufasa and the other one Scar. No shit Scar is going to be evil, he had no choice. 

Now, BOP (Bird of prey) I actually have no issue with someone choosing. Those guys just chill and fly around and kill kangaroos. Also being a bald eagle is like the most American thing anyone could do besides banging Betsy Ross on the 1st American flag immediately after she was done making it. The only issue I have with choosing bird is that I absolutely love the ground. Running on it, bicycling on it, pooping on it. Whatever the action is, I want flat ground to do it on. "Be a flightless bird then." FUCK FLIGHTLESS BIRDS. If you can't fly, then don't be a bird. 

PS- Wild Horses are endangered so if everyone could just go out and save a wild horse today than that would just be fantastic. Do it for me.