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Why am I even writing anything? One for the thumb

I Have A Trillion Dollar Brain

Listen, I'm not writing this blog because I want attention, ( I do but that's beside the point) it's just that every once in a while, my brain synapses fire quicker and beterer than anyone else's. For example, I invented double decker couches way before the Lego Movie was a thought in anyone's mind. I created thought up a grocery store where you click on what you need on a touchpad and a little cart automatically takes you to where those things are. I made Tim Tebow an offer he couldn't refuse.

But now, it's my biggest and best idea yet. A BEARer of bad news that is an actual bear. Yup, this is the idea that I will live off for the foreseeable future. Hear me out.

*Ding-Dong*

"Honey, who could that be? We weren't expecting any visitors?"

*Opens door to find large, yet docile bear holding an envelope and looking somber*

"Oh my goodness, it's a bear! I love bears!"

*Reads card that says that your Aunt Janice passed away*

"Ahhh, who the fuck cares, she was a bitch anyway. Look at this adorable bear!!!"



See, genius. Just have to work out a few kinks*







*Mostly just worried about the bears attacking humans

Look At This Panda Having Fun

Tian Tian here is having the time of his life. It's like when you got a snow day when you were in elementary school and all you wanted to do was literally roll around in the snow and didn't have a care in the world. Meanwhile, now that I'm older snow has become a hassle. I have to shovel (I haven't yet, instead I played NCAA Football 2014 all morning because I'm and adult who makes his own decisions) and I have to worry about how I'm going to get my car out of my driveway to drive it to work just for them to close early and make me drive back home.



I wish I was a panda.