It's physically impossible to be happy while serving food
Alright so when it comes down to shitty jobs a person can have while being in college, being a waiter actually has to be one of the best, financially. However, every shift that you work as a waiter takes a day off your life span and that is scientifically proven. Whether it comes down to having to put an old persons food in a blender so that they can drink it like soup or having to clean up the ridiculous mess that a child just made that looks as though a table size tornado just hit that area, it is just the worst job that there could possibly be. And here is the much anticipated (by me) 5 worst things about being a waiter/waitress.
5.)Being a man in a female workplace- This statement isn't supposed to be sexist because it is known that way more women work in food service then men. It isn't the fact that I get called a waitress 73% of the time that really peeves me, but it's the fact that I have to work with 15 other women at the same time. Women are the scariest creatures on earth (aside from wild horses) and working with them is the most difficult thing to do. I mean I think the more shifts I work, the more my dick shrivels up and I start to grow a vagina. Probably should see a doctor about it, but I already know what he'd tell me. Stop working with women.
4.)Doing what the customer asks- This is the most difficult thing for me to do because I'm always right no matter what the argument. ie Ginny Weasley is an absolute smoke. But the thing about being a waiter is that the customer always has to be right and you have to make sure of that. "Can you put half chocolate milk and half orange juice in a glass and then sit at my table and drink it in front of me." "Could you be a doll and spray all the mustard down your pants and then give me 5 dollars." Both of those things are true(ish) stories about what I've had to do to keep a customer happy.
3.)Bad tippers- This is something that I've honestly never understood. Like why go out to eat and order a 23oz. Stella Artois and a New York Strip dipped in liquid gold if you aren't gonna give a good tip. Like everyone knows that you should tip at least 20% so why doesn't it happen. I'm gonna have to blame this one on killer whales. Like everyone knows they don't actually kill, so why are they still named that? Same exact thing, people know they are supposed to tip 20% yet most don't. Fuck the people who named killer whales because now I get bad tips for it. And don't even try and say, "well maybe your not a good server" because everyone and their mothers knows I am.
2.)Being "in the weeds"- Now unless you've been a waiter/waitress before than there is no relation to this, but this may be the worst feeling in the entire world. Remember the feeling in your stomach that time you almost pooped your pants at that party because your fart was almost a little more than you bargained for? That is exactly how you feel when you are in the weeds. You are the busiest motherfucker on the planet and anyone who steps in your way could and probably will be murdered by you. And if anyone ever asks for dessert than you might as well go and kill yourself right now.
1.) Serving people that you know- Remember that kid that was in your 10th grade Biology class that you once had a way too in-depth conversation on hangnails for like 25 minutes. Well now you have to serve him and his entire family dinner while you awkwardly have to engage in conversation with him. Or remember that girl who caught you glancing at her tits and then you looked away immediately and never looked her in the eyes or thought about her since then. Well now you have to serve her and her new 34 year old lawyer boyfriend and even though her tits still look great, you know you could never actually sneak a peek. (but you do anyways)
And thats it. It is the worst job in the entire universe and those are the most substantial reasons why.
Honorable mentions:
-Having to sing Happy Birthday
-Needy tables
-Carrying trays
-Having to fake laugh at any joke customer says
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