Drive-Thru Employees

This dude has won Employee of the Month for 2 years straight. Guaranteed.

     You know when people say you waste like 3% of your life waiting at a red light? Well I waste like 17% of my life waiting at drive-thru windows, which makes me the resident expert. On a bad week I'd say that I get drive-thru food at least 10 times. Why? Because I can't make any type of food for myself other than cereal and toast. (on a good day) By the way, I absolutely loathe the people that go into fast food restaurants only to go back home and eat it, like, what are you trying to prove? That your legs work? Well whoop dee doo basil, you've made your life 10x harder by going inside. Honestly, I'd rather sit in line at the drive-thru for 45 minutes than have to get out of my car and go inside and show my face to people. In my humble opinion drive-thrus are one of the top 5 things that make your life infinitely easier, and if you dont use them, you're a schmuck.

     So I'm sitting in the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru this morning, as I do every morning, and when I finally get up to the robot box where you place your order, I expect to hear the same excited voice that I always hear when I'm ordering. It is this man's voice that brings me to this Dunkin's instead of going to the one right near my house. People may say, "wow that sounds pretty gay" and all I have to say to them is well you've never heard his voice before. It's like the god damn Sirens from the Odyssey. One time I saw the man to which the voice belonged and he looked like the type of person who after his shift, went home, drank 3 bottles of Mountain Dew: Code Red, watched a ton of Hentai porn, played Skyrim for 5 hours, then gently fell asleep while eating Pizza Bagels. Yet, I would marry him on the spot for loving his job so much. This trip was different though because instead of the soothing man voice I get this unenthusiastic teenage girls voice. Wtf, right? She didn't even seem to care about my order. Like when I order my Medium French Vanilla Iced Coffee with regular cream and sugar, I want YOU to want to make it for me. Is that too much to ask?

     And here is where my problem lies, you have two jobs when you are a drive thru worker. 1.) Get the order right and 2.) Sound like you're not taking my order with a noose around your neck. Like if I ever was the manager of a fast food restaurant (and with my future psychology degree I won't rule anything out) I would immediately fire anyone who doesn't make it sound like they are interested sexually with the person whose order they are taking. Again, you may be thinking "wow that seems weird and totally unnecessary" and to you, I say, thats why you're not the manager. So this goes out to all of the fast food managers, if you have unenthusiastic drive-thru workers, just know that Mike Kennedy is not going to be venturing to your place of business, therefore, you are probably going to lose at least 100 dollars per week.