My 5 Biggest Pet Peeves

So earlier I went and got a coffee and as I was leaving, I held the door for some broad and she straight up snubbed me. No thank you, no nothing. So naturally I was heated and came up with my 5 biggest pet peeves. So basically if you are around me and do any of these things, I will hate you forever.

5. Guys who don't pee outside- Alright let me clarify here. I'm not saying that I pee outside every time I go to the bathroom, I'm just saying that given the oppurtunity to pee outside, I am 100 % choosing that option. We were born with firehoses for dicks, why not use them greatly.

4. People who don't wave when you let them go in a car- This sucks so bad. You're just being a good samaritan letting people go before you and they're all like nahhh I'm not going to thank you. Hope your involved in a karma car crash. Alliteration for the win.

3. People who blatantly talk in class- "Dude, you're such a nerd for saying that." Sorry I would rather listen to the teacher talk than to listen to your ridiculously made up story about how you saved your neighbors cat from getting hit by a car because you "sensed" that something bad was going to happen, so you went outside. All because you are trying to impress that not even hot girl because she had to sit next to you because there weren't any other seats open.

2. People who draw on me- This one is a little out there but whatever. Remember in middle school when girls would want to draw all over you and everyone thought it was cute because it meant they had a crush on you. Well not me. I never let anyone draw on me. Maybe thats why I don't have a tattoo. Or a girlfriend.

1. People who don't thank you for holding the door- Obviously this is the worst thing ever. It literally takes two seconds to just say thank you. I'm doing you a favor so why don't you thank me for it. Thats all I ask. Biggest power move ever is if a person doesn't thank you for holding the door for them, then you just say an unwarranted "You're welcome." If you don't think I do that 10 times out of 10, then you don't really know me as a person.

I Hate This Dad

Here is the link because I suck at technology and can't find the video to put on here. No one wil actually click this so whatever. Don't even watch it.

Everybody loves this video right now. "OMG, that girl is so cute" "LOL KIDS <3" Fuck that. This video sucks. This dad is such a try hard its unbelievable. He's one of those dads that probably just dresses his daughter in weird outfits and walks around filming her all day hoping she says something funny. Well newsflash, she didn't. She was being factual and you were just egging her on. At one point he says "Go get it" and she just is like no, I'm not fucking dumb, you can't just get the moon. One last thing, is that she isn't that amazed by the moon. Kids are fucking amazed by everything. Put a god damn stick in their hands and they're like "HOLY SHIT THIS IS THE BEST THING OF ALL TIME!!" So nice try dad, but next time, try not to insult your obviously more intelligent daughter.

Yawn City

I'm already so tired of Ashlee Arnau and I've only seen this clip like twice. It's the number 1 play on Sportscenter top 10, which is RIDICULOUS. Like, I guess she has been trying this at every game since Christmas. So first of all, why? Second of all, that totally takes all the gusto out of it. If this was her first try ever than yeah I might be like, oh thats pretty cool. But she does it at every game. Give me 50 tries and im pretty sure I can do this. And I have no gymnastics training and I've only ever made like 10 half court shots. By the way you gotta love the family at the :22 mark. Just not even giving a fuck. I'd be right there with them.

And to answer the question that everybody wants me to answer: MAYBE. But that's only because she is basically an internet celebrity for the day.

Boy Goes Missing; Later Found In His Own House, Under A Bean Bag Chair

A massive search for a five-year-old boy in Wales ended when his six-year-old sister discovered him sleeping in a strange spot. Jenson Lorey of Swansea, Wales went missing at 8:15pm. His parents, police, a team of volunteers, search and rescue dogs, and even a helicopter couldn't find him. You know who could? His six year-old sister. Find out where she actually found him. It's pretty weird.

This kid is pretty much my hero. Just taking a long ass nap under a bean bag chair meanwhile his parents are off getting helicopters and rescue dogs and search parties. People panicking while this little guy is just taking probably the greatest nap in the history of man kind. Plus this guy gets the best of both worlds. Gets to take a killer nap and then when he wakes up, he gets a ton of love and probably toys and shit from his parents because they thought he was in a windowless van down by the river.

The real story here though is did you ever lose your parents when you were with them as a little kid? Like you are out in public and all the sudden you look around and see no one you know around you. Easily the most scared a human being can be. In the span of two minutes that you are panicking, you are thinking about how you are going to have to survive on your own, and how you are probably going to have to live with the wolves and how are you going to gain their respect when you know nothing about their community, but then maybe you will become their king due to your dexterity and opposable thumbs and then you can just chill with the wolves and hunt deer and shit. Oh yeah, and then your parents find you and you go home and eat some snacks.

PS- Why don't they make beds that are just made out of bean bag material. BOOM. Million dollar idea.

Cheese Rolling Is Obviously The Best Sport, Right?

I would be so fucking good at Cheese Rolling that I'm actually considering moving to Gloucestershire just so I can win the title every single year. I seriously have the balance of a cat, and love cheese, which is just added motivation. But can we talk about how many of those people just straight up couldn't go more than like 3 feet without falling? Ridiculous. Talk about letting your fans down. Some people just started rolling down the hill without even trying to run down it, which is an automatic disqualification in my book. Anyways that video was 3 minutes long and I think I saw about 4 paramedic timeouts. Awesome. Nothing like a little death while running after a wheel of cheese. But I have no doubt I make it to the bottom of the hill in under 10 seconds.

PS- Hey chick videotaping, no need to say "OWWW" every time somebody falls. We understand the concept of pain.

PPS- Best fall is obviously at 2:44