A recent study published by the National Academy of Sciences and reported by NBC news shows that once again America is on top of all the other developed nations...in regards to STD transmission, obesity, and dying young. Oh I'm sorry NBC, is this supposed to be a bad thing? You want us to make improvements in the way we live our lives? FUCK THAT. I apologize for the fact that we know how to fucking rage.
All this study tells me is that we as Americans need to continue to do what we are doing. And that is obviously just keep doing whatever we want. You got herpes? Who gives a shit, pretty much everybody else has it too (except for me...I don't get laid....ladieeeees). Just assume the other person has it and you won't feel so bad about yourself. That's what all the cool kids do anyway. Wanna eat two baconators? Be my guest. This is AMERICA- you should eat 1.5 of those baconators and throw out the other half in front of the nearest homeless person. Flip them off while you're at it. Wanna know why? Because you are better than them (the only reason I say this is because the homeless don't have computers and thus can't read this...otherwise I'm a huge pussy).
Who wants to live to be 60 anyway? You ain't so tough diabetes. Getting a foot chopped off doesn't sound so bad. Gives me an excuse to do nothing but jerk off (pretty sure every blog written has referenced jerking off Mike..not a good look for us) and watch Maury* all day. Besides, I don't do calves and quads anyway. Upper body all day, bro.
*Watching the reaction on all the dudes faces when they realize they are the father sustains me. You can see the twinkle in their eye disappear when they come to grips with the fact their lives are over and now they have to be LaQuonda's baby daddy.
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