I hate facebook

Now I know it's commonplace to hate on Facebook these days, but I really need to get this off my chest. First off, Facebook nowadays is basically just a dating site where you try and hook up with girls who have gotten a lot hotter since high school. Anyways, in the status update box, Facebook asks me, "whats happening, Mike" and this is troublesome to me. Not only do I not want Facebook wondering what's going on with my life, but I hate the fact it knows my name. And people are gonna say "you're dumb, your name is right there on your page" and I get that, but at the same time I feel like Facebook is a robot that'll probably take over the world by knowing everyone's name and then I'll be the one laughing.

The thing I hate most about Facebook, is how the dumbest person gets like 136 likes on a status that's like "I know I aint be book smart, but I know I be smarter than my ex. Get lost G!." Because I obviously care so much about you and your exes issues and how even though you do have a child together, that the child won't suffer. OKAY. Or someone that posts a picture of a cat doing something completely cat-like

and everyone comments on it being like "OMG, she is so cute. I've never seen a cat do that before." Like seriously, you've never seen a cat sleep? Well maybe you should just look at any cat because that's all they fucking do. 

Last huge issue with Facebook is this. Remember when it first came out and you were sitting with your friends joking around being like "imagine if your grandma had a Facebook  what would she write? hahahahaha." Well thats like a real thing now, everybody's grandma has a Facebook and they write the most ridiculous shit. "Just got home from church and now I'm gonna make a fresh batch of cookies all while smelling like mothballs"---the only reasonable status update from any grandma.

PS- Why the fuck do I have to capitalize facebook? Like tiny red squiggly line, get off me. I'm boycotting the capitalization of the word facebook and I suggest you do the same.