Binge Drinking

Listen to the monkey fellas. He knows what's up.

Apparently binge drinking is defined as having 5 or more drinks in a row if you are a man....4 in a row if you're a woman. Saw that little facty-poo and I just thought I would bring that to everybody's attention, because it is absolutely preposterous. Want to know who has less than 5 drinks in a sitting? Fucking Mother Theresa and my British grandmother, that's who. And it isn't like I'm even all that good at drinking- I am the first to admit that I am a mega pussy. I have like 8 beers and the next morning (without fail) I am hunched over the toilet looking like I'm cleaning the inside of it with my tongue. I've seen my own hungover reflection more times than I can count, and let me tell you something, it ain't pretty. I look like Casper the Friendly Ghost went on a week long meth bender. And that's every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday morning.

But that's neither here nor there. 5 drinks, CDC? Realllly? I remember when I was in Mrs. Pennington's kindergarten class too. I literally have multiple friends that pound a half a case before heading to the library to study for finals. And don't give me that "I really enjoy one or two nice craft beers at a sitting" bullshit. Oh yeah? You really like sitting there and deliberately poisoning yourself a little bit. Go home, grow a set, blackout, and snap chat everybody a picture of your dick like a grown ass man, Sober Sarah.