I Think I Want To Be The Cleveland Browns New Head Coach

      I just started dabbling in photoshop so this is not a creepy or weird picture at all. I wanted my return to writing on this blog (like one or two blogs per week viewed mostly by myself and people who feel bad for me) to be big and what bigger than putting my name in the ring to be an NFL head coach. Why me? Well this is my resume telling you why.

MICHAEL KENNEDY

OBJECTIVE: Be the Cleveland Browns new head coach

EDUCATION: Cape Cod Community College

                           College of I'm Lazy

                           -Associates in Arts

                           - 3.4 GPA 

                           - Sports Editor for Student Newspaper

EXPERIENCE: You might be wondering why I am qualified for this job. I have listed many reasons why I would be perfectly suited to be the head coach for the Cleveland Browns.

- NCAA Football 2014: I am really good at this game. While playing on Heisman difficulty, I took Johnny Manziel's Texas A&M team to the National Championship 3 straight seasons and he won the Heisman in all of those years. A lot of people will question a jump to the NFL and if I could be successful. If Bobby Petrino, Nick Saban, Steve Spurrier, and Chip Kelly can do it, then why can't I? 

-Madden 16: I am also good at this game. I played with the Cleveland Browns and went 13-3 in the first season en route to a Super Bowl victory. Johnny Manziel started every game with the exception of 3 where he had a "concussion". Interesting to say the least, but we still won the the last game of the season, which is the most important. 

-Baseball: I coach baseball. You just hired Paul DePodesta who literally has only worked in baseball for his whole career. So, in fitting with your recent hires, I would be perfect. I have coached a 14 year old AAU team for the past two summers where I have coached them and we won more than half our games. Oh, I've seen the movie Moneyball at least 5 times and actually read the book.

SKILLS: Proficient in Microsoft Excel, Good at Bartending (not great), Can speak conversational Spanish, and I'm working on bettering my English. 

As far as what type of coach I would be? A players coach, with a genius mind. My style of offense tends to be rolling out to the right on every single play and hoping that someone gets open or I just scramble for a while and throw the ball away. No turnovers that way. Defense is not exactly my specialty but no one ever says defense wins championships. And thats it. I can't wait to hear back from the Cleveland Browns organization.