So it's about two and half weeks until Christmas, which is fantastic. I love Christmas; you get gifts you definitely don't deserve, and get to get drunk with family members and talk about how you all hate each other. Wait, is that just my family? Anyways, I don't just love Christmas, I love the whole month of December, I'm basically just a chick who loves snowflakes and red cups at Starbucks. I'll admit it, I love watching Christmas movies all December long. Sue me.
Unfortunately this year, I've noticed a disgusting trend. I have seen numerous people who post on Facebook say that they are done with their Christmas shopping already. WHAT? I have always hated Black Friday because it ruins shopping for Christmas. One of my favorite Christmas traditions is going to the mall the week before Christmas when trying to find a parking spot is as hard as finding a woman who wants me for me and not my incredible body. I was appalled when I saw a few days ago that someone said they were already done with their shopping. I haven't even viewed Home Alone for the first time yet, so if everyone would kindly slow their roles and go shopping a few days before Christmas like every other red blooded American, where you may or may not have to punt a baby to get what you need, that would be fantastic.
PS- The day before Christmas shoppers are the best. It's usually just a herd of middle aged men carrying 40 bags of unwarranted toys for their shitty kids.
PPS- This is on an unrelated note, but I loathe family Christmas cards. Hate when people try to be funny and look put together even though taking that one good picture was the hardest thing you've ever had to do as a family. You're not fooling anyone, family everyone hates.
PPPS- Elf on the shelf is probably the single reason I could never have kids. The concept of having to change the placement of a toy elf to keep your kids believing in Santa is too high risk, low reward. I just know some NFL Sunday I would drink too many beers and eat too much pizza and forget to move that little fucker from the shelf to the other shelf and ruin all my kids hopes and dreams.
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