Will Amish People Love Federal Prison?

CLEVELAND (AP) — Sixteen Amish men and women who have lived rural, self-sufficient lives surrounded by extended family and with little outside contact are facing regimented routines in afederal prison system where almost half of inmates are behind bars for drug offenses and modern conveniences, such as television, will be a constant temptation.

Prison rules will allow the 10 men convicted in beard- and hair-cutting attacks on fellow Amish in eastern Ohio to keep their religiously important beards, but they must wear standard prison khaki or green work uniforms instead of the dark outfits they favor. Jumper dresses will be an option for the six Amish women, who will be barred from wearing their typical long, dark dresses and bonnets.

Now I am on record in saying that I would fucking love to be Amish. Just riding horses all day. Ideal life. But what I didn't know is that they could go to federal prison. I thought Amish people handled things themselves and if two neighboring squads got into a fight, than they just held a head to head butter churning competition and the squad who loses, dies. Like I thought that was general knowledge, but nope.  But these guys are tough as fuck. Beard cutting? Beards are sacred to the Amish. Like cows to people from India. Like AIDS to Africa. Like Kim Kardashians pregnant ass to the US.

You might say, "Wow, this is going to be a tough experience for them." But here is the thing. They will think prison is the shit. Since they've never experienced the outside world, they are going to think that their new prison life is as luxurious as it gets. Watching TV and maybe playing a little Wii. (pretty sure thats what happens in prison) These Amish fuckers are going to want to stay in prison for the rest of their lives.

PS- If you don't think they will be RUNNING that prison within 2 weeks of being there than you are wrong. Amish are hardcore.