Can I Date Malia Obama?

Sweet forehead. Grab some bangs like your mom toots.

DECATUR, Ga. - On this Valentine's Day, it's date night at the White House. And, apparently, President and Mrs. Obama aren't the only ones in the family with a special sweetheart.

On a stop here to push his education agenda, President Obama hinted that one of his daughters - likely the eldest, 14-year-old Malia - is officially dating.

 Can I get arrested for making fun of the President's daughter's forehead? Anyways, you know the first time you meet a girls parents and you have to meet her dad and you pretend like you're not nervous but inside you are just thinking about all the times you've fucked and you are afraid that you're going to accidentally say something like "I licked whip cream off your daughter ass dimples"? Oh wait, you guys don't think about that? Never mind, me neither. Anyways, amplify that feeling times like a million. Oh you want to meet my dad? He's the POTUS. Oh yeah, and he's black. I mean, thats not being racist, thats just being real. A dad who could throw me in Guantanamo AND beat me in a game of basketball. Fuck that.