Small Talk

Business people making small talk. My worst enemy.

You guys ever see someone you know, and have a great conversation with them, and then it just ruins the rest of your day? Like I hate small talk so bad that it's palpable. You know how in romantic comedies, when someone sees someone they don't want to talk to, they like pretend to be a mannequin or dive underneath a table at a restaurant? Well I seriously do those things. But, if god forbid I accidentally make eye contact and have to talk to someone then it is obviously going to ruin my day. I always see people from high school and the conversation goes something like this:

"Hey man, hows it going? What have you been up to?"- Me

"Nothing really, just finished up my degree, currently learning how to speak Chinese."

"Oh really? Well 'Konichiwa' "

"Yeah...that's Japanese. And yeah I'm going to live over in China for a year or two."

"Well I had Chinese food last week."

"....."

"....."

"Alright, bye"


See that's what I mean. I can't hold conversations with people and try to be funny because people don't understand my humor. I'm awkward and that's why it's funny. And then they'll ask me what I'm doing and I'm like well yeah I'm trying to make a career in comedy and they're like oh, you were never really that funny, and I'm like yeah I'm still not very funny. The worst part is when you have to say bye to them. I'm awful at goodbyes, and people always say things like "We should grab a coffee and catch up" and I'm like sure I'd love to grab a drink that is going to give me diarrhea and talk to you more about your degree in Law while I talk to you about my degree in Fuck Your Face.