Your Source For Every Patriots Video To Get You Pumped Up For Tomorrow's Game

Why am I even writing anything? One for the thumb

I Have A Trillion Dollar Brain

Listen, I'm not writing this blog because I want attention, ( I do but that's beside the point) it's just that every once in a while, my brain synapses fire quicker and beterer than anyone else's. For example, I invented double decker couches way before the Lego Movie was a thought in anyone's mind. I created thought up a grocery store where you click on what you need on a touchpad and a little cart automatically takes you to where those things are. I made Tim Tebow an offer he couldn't refuse.

But now, it's my biggest and best idea yet. A BEARer of bad news that is an actual bear. Yup, this is the idea that I will live off for the foreseeable future. Hear me out.

*Ding-Dong*

"Honey, who could that be? We weren't expecting any visitors?"

*Opens door to find large, yet docile bear holding an envelope and looking somber*

"Oh my goodness, it's a bear! I love bears!"

*Reads card that says that your Aunt Janice passed away*

"Ahhh, who the fuck cares, she was a bitch anyway. Look at this adorable bear!!!"



See, genius. Just have to work out a few kinks*







*Mostly just worried about the bears attacking humans

Look At This Panda Having Fun

Tian Tian here is having the time of his life. It's like when you got a snow day when you were in elementary school and all you wanted to do was literally roll around in the snow and didn't have a care in the world. Meanwhile, now that I'm older snow has become a hassle. I have to shovel (I haven't yet, instead I played NCAA Football 2014 all morning because I'm and adult who makes his own decisions) and I have to worry about how I'm going to get my car out of my driveway to drive it to work just for them to close early and make me drive back home.



I wish I was a panda.

Chandler Jones and how Goodell is still a Weasel

Well by now I assume we all know about Chandler Jones' bye weekend that maybe a little bit too turnt. I'm not going to spend a lot of time being over dramatic about this story like the media has been to this point- he's a dummy for smoking synthetic marijuana for sure, but I'm not naive enough to think the players don't smoke throughout the season. On top of that he was at practice bright and early the next day missing absolutely zero time as a result. He basically had his very own Super Troopers moment- whatever, it happens to the best of us.

This incident does, however, highlight some of the problems with the drug policy the league has currently. With the NFL having the strictest marijuana policy of the major 4 sports they are essentially driving their players to an exponentially more dangerous "legal" alternative. It's just funny to see a league that constantly talks about having the players best interests in mind constantly do shit that completely contradicts that notion. Textbook Rog though. Wouldn't shock me if he wants the players to smoke spice and go on trippy escapades throughout town- keeps the league in the headlines. Any publicity is good publicity. Such a snake in the grass.

Live look at Roger:

Live look at me:

 

National Pastime National Treasure of the Week: Eric Byrnes

   "I'm here to hustle my dick off and get chicks, and I've already gotten with all the chicks"


I'm gonna try and do a weekly post where I put the magnifying glass on a figure in baseball who exemplifies what it is to be a National Pastime National Treasure ™ and who better to start with than the Man, the Myth, the Legend himself- Eric Byrnes.

Now I know what you're thinking- "Cam, you don't blog for 3 years and when you finally decide to return and grace us with your presence you write about Eric Byrnes? WTF?" You know what I say to that? I SHOULD HAVE DONE IT SOONER! The guy always seemed to have a bit of a screw loose during his playing days but ever since he retired a handful of years ago he has really seemed to turn it up a notch. He is a true wild card who wouldn't let a little thing like getting released by a major league team deter him from going to tater town- on the contrary, he'll just join a local beer league softball team the next day.

But it stretches even beyond that to his job as an analyst for MLB Network today. If you think the guy was a loose cannon in his playing days you should take a look at him now. The guy delivers his insight and opinions in a frenetic way in which only he can do:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDKC_fOSbUo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDWYYDqkXR8



He couldn't go less than 110% if his life depended on it. He's basically Crank in real life, the sports version of Jim Cramer (sweet references 7 people are gonna get, Cam). A ferret on cocaine. He simply can't stop, won't stop. It's only a matter of time before the guy gets an even bigger platform because his enthusiasm is absolutely contagious and I for one cannot wait.

Mel Kiper Jr. Releases His 2025 Big Board

I somehow convinced Mel Kiper Jr. to give The Paper Toss the exclusive rights to the top 5 athletes on his 2025 Big Board. So here they are:


1.) Danny Brock- QB-Westwood Middle School -12 years old, 5 feet 2 inches, 110 pounds

The intangibles for this kid are off the charts. Not to mention his height and weight are far superior to all of his classmates. Has a cannon for an arm and can throw the ball up to 35 yards in the air! Some NFL teams are worried, however, that he is playing too much dodgeball in gym class, and are currently seeking out the gym teacher to see if they can play a less dangerous game every week. Either way, Danny is destined to be the face of an NFL franchise.

NFL comparison:Tom Brady, Peyton Manning 5 years ago, Carson Palmer

2.)Irving Flores - DT Somerset Charter School- 13 years old, 5 feet 6 inches, 160 pounds

The natural ability for this kid is incredible. Physically, this kid is a freak. He explodes off the line for someone his size, at his age. Upside is incredible, however, some scouts are concerned that his weight simply comes from Oreos rather than X's and O's folks. He hardly spends any time in the gym, so some are concerned that when other people catch up to his size and weight, that he will plateau. His on field productivity is why I have him this high on my Big Board.

NFL comparison: Vince Wilfork, Other Fat Men

3. Joey Campbell - WR- White Mountain School- 12 years old, 4 feet 7 inches, 95 pounds

Although undersized, Joey is a real gym rat. His football IQ is through the roof and his deceptive athleticism comes through on the field. He is a real coaches son, and loves running those underneath routes. The quarterback and him always seem to be on the same page, and the qb always knows where he is going to be. He is a captain on and off the field where he has made the honor roll 6 straight terms and his mom has a "My son is an honor roll student at White Mountain School" sticker on her mini van. You're just as likely to find his nose in a school book, as a playbook. Many scouts/dads said that he's the kind of kid you want your daughter to date.

NFL Comparison: Julian Edelman, Wes Welker, Brandon Stokley, Joe Jurevicius, Cole Beasley

4.) Kelly Sharp- QB- Northview Middle School- 13 years old, 5 feet, 110 pounds

Kelly Sharp is one of the more controversial picks in the "draft that wont happen for another 10 years." He seems like a no brainer while leading his team to a state championship the first two years playing football. However, Sharp's heart seems to be in playing baseball, where he lead his team to three straight Little League championships, all while leading the league in home runs and shutouts. He is a type of guy that cares more about championCHIPS, than potato CHIPS, in my opinion. It's too bad he only has 8 more years to decide which sport he would like to play at the professional level. Scouts will say they like his versatility in playing two sports but are concerned that he may choose to play the national past time over the sport that won't exist ten years from now because of the rather huge concussion issue that may ruin the NFL forever but no one seems to be really talking about it. (The NFL made me cross that last part out)

NFL Comparison- Drew Stanton, Brandon Weeden, Colin Kaepernick

5.) Orlando Cannon- CB- Clear Lake Middle School- 12 years old. 4 feet 11 inches, 105 pounds

Orlando Cannon has all the talent on the field but off the field concerns seem to be deterring NFL teams from choosing him ten years from now. He has served two in school suspensions, including one for stuffing some nerd in a locker. He also was caught running an illegal lunch trading scheme in which he ended up with everyone's lunch money without anyone finding out. On the field however, he is someone that can really change the game. His dad played in the NFL for 12 years, and it seems that his son has gotten all of his on field instincts. It is too early to tell if he will be able to get his act together over the next ten years before he makes it into the NFL. I mean he's 12 years old, when I was 12 years old I was worried about where I was going to masturbate next, wait is my mic still on?

NFL Comparison- Michael Vick, somehow

And there you have it. Once again, I wanna say thanks to Mel Kiper Jr. for letting The Paper Toss be the first place he came to, in order to release his 2025 Big Board.

Website I've Definitely Never Heard of, Naughty America, Introduces Virtual Reality Porn

I'll link to the post because I don't feel like posting the whole thing here, but it was interesting to read. Now the porn industry has been saying that virtual reality is the next big thing for porn. Well count me out. Now before you get your pitchforks out and try to kill me, hear me out.

I'm all about things being realistic. And I, in my heart of hearts, know there is a zero percent chance that I could be having sex with a porn star. It's the same reason you don't see me playing quarterback for some NFL team this weekend. It just is not realistic. Virtual reality porn would almost depress me. I would sit in my room with my headset on and just be sad because I know that this could never be real life. And believe me, I've seen enough sci-fi movies (one) to know that once you start introducing better lives on virtual reality headsets, you never take them off and you never leave you're room and become a disgusting hermit. Not that I'm worried about that or anything...

The reality is, no matter how "realistic" it seems, it just could never be true. Even if the virtual porn star was dirty talking to me and telling me it was real, I couldn't go through with it. For me, dirty talk is like being that kid in little league who's dad was a coach, but only played 3 innings a game in right field and only got one at bat a game, but since his dad was a coach you had to cheer for him as if he could somehow get a hit. He(I) knows he (I'm) isn't the best and no matter how hard his teammates (girl I somehow seduced) told him (me) that he (I) could do it, he (I) is really hoping just to somehow get hit by a pitch (euphemism for lasting longer than 2 minutes)

Hot Sauce, No, Not That Hot Sauce, A Different One, Gets Released On 21 Million Dollar Bail By Powerball Winning Baby Mama. Wait, What?

North Carolina Powerball winner Marie Holmes garnered side-eyes from a slew of social media users when her story hit the Web. In August, Holmes reportedly dropped a whopping total of $9 million on her boyfriend’s Lamarr “Hot Sauce” McDow bail after cashing out for two of his releases. On New Year’s Day (Jan. 1), Holmes spent another $12 million on bail for McDow. In his first interview since their story was made public, McDow is coming to Holmes’ defense, noting that he would “do the same for her” if their roles were reversed.

“We are a couple, and I am the father of her youngest child. This is what people do for each other. She has the money and she can do what she wants with it,” he told Daily Mail. “If I had that money then I would do the same for her. People are just jealous because of how much she won and people want to see me locked in jail"

The title of this blog is kind of like The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. It will be mostly skimmed over, its confusing, and its pretty racist.

Sticking with the Powerball theme with this blog and this lady spent 21 MILLION dollars getting her boyfriend out of jail. If I'm spending 21 million dollars in order to get someone named Hot Sauce out of jail its going to be this Hot Sauce:

But nope, its just some other guy named Hot Sauce who was caught with 8,000 bags of heroin. Although I live on Cape Cod, I don't know too much about heroin but what I do know is that 8,000 bags of it is a lot. And how about Hot Sauce saying that he would do the same thing for her if the roles were reversed. Yeahhhh sure buddy, everyone believes that one. 

If we are being honest here, I saw someone named Hot Sauce in a headline, and thought it was going to be about the OG streetball star, and then I fell down a rabbit hole of watching streetball videos on Youtube and now I'm whooping it up every time someone does something cool. I'm in my room alone, so this is weird. So this blog sucks but here is a fun fact for you: Hot Sauce's net worth is 300 thousand dollars. I don't know if that is a lot or not but it is a number.

What Would You Do If You Won The Powerball

Why does the Powerball logo look like its stuck listening to N*SYNC  and playing with Tamagotchis?

Now it's time to play everyone's favorite game: talk about what you would do if you won the largest Powerball in United States history. 900 MILLION DOLLARS. That is INSANE money. Lump sum of about 500 million dollars, and you didn't do anything to earn it. God Bless America. But what would you do if you won?

My answer to that question is the one of the best ideas this million thousand dollar brain has ever come up with. Every sports fan wants to own a sports franchise. Thats obvious. But most sports franchises cost close to a billion dollars. Thats why I'm going a different route.

To answer it simply, I would make an expansion team in the Arena Football League right here on Cape Cod. The Cape Cod Sharks. I can already see the name in poorly lit lights all over the town. Cape Cod is all about tourism. Summers are booming, and it just so happens that the Arena League football schedule happens in the summer. "Oh whats that? It's raining, and we can't go to the beach? What are we going to do?" You're going to watch former Division 2 football players play a weird version of football, that's what.

Teams in the AFL are worth less than 5 million dollars, so I would spend that to start an expansion team, take another 50 million build a state of the art (kind of) stadium, and bingo bango I own a sports franchise. Now here is where my brain starts really firing on all cylinders and I think I may be a genius. I offer Tim Tebow a contract he couldn't refuse. The fact that Tebow is dressing like a boy band singer and sitting on the sidelines commentating games is a national travesty. I would sign Tim Tebow and make him play on Sundays where he belongs. (I actually don't know when their games are played but they could be on Sundays) Are you trying to tell me that people wouldn't travel far and wide to see this guy play football?

Of course they would. So it's a done deal and this is going to happen when I win tonight. Get ready world.

PS- If anyone is good at photoshop please let me know because I tried to make a Cape Cod Sharks logo and it didn't come out well. As you can tell with my last blog, still working on the photoshop skills.

I Think I Want To Be The Cleveland Browns New Head Coach

      I just started dabbling in photoshop so this is not a creepy or weird picture at all. I wanted my return to writing on this blog (like one or two blogs per week viewed mostly by myself and people who feel bad for me) to be big and what bigger than putting my name in the ring to be an NFL head coach. Why me? Well this is my resume telling you why.

MICHAEL KENNEDY

OBJECTIVE: Be the Cleveland Browns new head coach

EDUCATION: Cape Cod Community College

                           College of I'm Lazy

                           -Associates in Arts

                           - 3.4 GPA 

                           - Sports Editor for Student Newspaper

EXPERIENCE: You might be wondering why I am qualified for this job. I have listed many reasons why I would be perfectly suited to be the head coach for the Cleveland Browns.

- NCAA Football 2014: I am really good at this game. While playing on Heisman difficulty, I took Johnny Manziel's Texas A&M team to the National Championship 3 straight seasons and he won the Heisman in all of those years. A lot of people will question a jump to the NFL and if I could be successful. If Bobby Petrino, Nick Saban, Steve Spurrier, and Chip Kelly can do it, then why can't I? 

-Madden 16: I am also good at this game. I played with the Cleveland Browns and went 13-3 in the first season en route to a Super Bowl victory. Johnny Manziel started every game with the exception of 3 where he had a "concussion". Interesting to say the least, but we still won the the last game of the season, which is the most important. 

-Baseball: I coach baseball. You just hired Paul DePodesta who literally has only worked in baseball for his whole career. So, in fitting with your recent hires, I would be perfect. I have coached a 14 year old AAU team for the past two summers where I have coached them and we won more than half our games. Oh, I've seen the movie Moneyball at least 5 times and actually read the book.

SKILLS: Proficient in Microsoft Excel, Good at Bartending (not great), Can speak conversational Spanish, and I'm working on bettering my English. 

As far as what type of coach I would be? A players coach, with a genius mind. My style of offense tends to be rolling out to the right on every single play and hoping that someone gets open or I just scramble for a while and throw the ball away. No turnovers that way. Defense is not exactly my specialty but no one ever says defense wins championships. And thats it. I can't wait to hear back from the Cleveland Browns organization. 

     

I Hate Christmas Season Overachievers

So it's about two and half weeks until Christmas, which is fantastic. I love Christmas; you get gifts you definitely don't deserve, and get to get drunk with family members and talk about how you all hate each other. Wait, is that just my family? Anyways, I don't just love Christmas, I love the whole month of December, I'm basically just a chick who loves snowflakes and red cups at Starbucks. I'll admit it, I love watching Christmas movies all December long. Sue me.

Unfortunately this year, I've noticed a disgusting trend. I have seen numerous people who post on Facebook say that they are done with their Christmas shopping already. WHAT? I have always hated Black Friday because it ruins shopping for Christmas. One of my favorite Christmas traditions is going to the mall the week before Christmas when trying to find a parking spot is as hard as finding a woman who wants me for me and not my incredible body. I was appalled when I saw a few days ago that someone said they were already done with their shopping. I haven't even viewed Home Alone for the first time yet, so if everyone would kindly slow their roles and go shopping a few days before Christmas like every other red blooded American, where you may or may not have to punt a baby to get what you need, that would be fantastic.

PS- The day before Christmas shoppers are the best. It's usually just a herd of middle aged men carrying 40 bags of unwarranted toys for their shitty kids.

PPS- This is on an unrelated note, but I loathe family Christmas cards. Hate when people try to be funny and look put together even though taking that one good picture was the hardest thing you've ever had to do as a family. You're not fooling anyone, family everyone hates.

PPPS- Elf on the shelf is probably the single reason I could never have kids. The concept of having to change the placement of a toy elf to keep your kids believing in Santa is too high risk, low reward. I just know some NFL Sunday I would drink too many beers and eat too much pizza and forget to move that little fucker from the shelf to the other shelf and ruin all my kids hopes and dreams.

CNN Put Together A List Of Internet Acronyms Every Parent Needs To Know.

1. IWSN - I want sex now

2. GNOC - Get naked on camera

3. NIFOC - Naked in front of computer

4. PIR - Parent in room

5 CU46 - See you for sex

6. 53X - Sex

7. 9 - Parent watching

8. 99 - Parent gone

9. 1174' - Party meeting place

10. THOT - That hoe over there

11. CID - Acid (the drug)

12. Broken - Hungover from alcohol

13. 420 - Marijuana

14. POS - Parent over shoulder

15. SUGARPIC - Suggestive or erotic photo

16. KOTL - Kiss on the lips

17. (L)MIRL - Let's meet in real life

18. PRON - Porn

19. TDTM - Talk dirty to me

20. 8 - Oral sex

21. CD9 - Parents around/Code 9

22. IPN - I'm posting naked

23. LH6 - Let's have sex

24. WTTP - Want to trade pictures?

25. DOC - Drug of choice

26. TWD - Texting while driving

27. GYPO - Get your pants off

28. KPC- Keeping parents clueless

I'm not even joking when I say this: this was the hardest I've laughed in a long time. This astounds me that CNN put this list together and clicked publish and that was considered work for someone. I mean I know one of these from AIM (Sc00ter31592, add me) and that's POS. And that's it, from the whole list. So I'd like to take the time to go over some of my favorite "acronyms that ever parent should know."

3.) NIFOC- Naked in front of camera

I don't even understand this one. Am I texting someone NIFOC and expecting them to be impressed that I'm just alone standing naked in front of my computer. Believe me when I say this, I am at my worst when I am naked in front of my computer.

6.) 53X- Sex

I'll admit this one is good. Those numbers look like letters and that's why it's funny. Hey man, wanna join the PEN15 club, you just have to let me write it on your hand and then you can be a part of the club. 

13.) 420- Marijuana

Luckily for you parents, if you're child has ever really used the term 420 than he also has never actually smoked weed before.

15.) Sugarpic- Suggestive or erotic photo

This one might be my favorite. Like even if your parent saw you say this they would be like what the fuck is going on here. This isn't coding anything. If my 82 year old grandmother saw the word "sugarpic" she would be like oh yeah that person wants a little sexting action. 

16.) KOTL- Kiss on the lips

If your child's biggest secret is kissing someone on the lips than your child has nothing to hide.

18.) PRON- Porn

HAHAHahHAHAahah someone wrote this list and legitimately thought this was a good addition.

22. IPN- I'm posting naked

Where is this message going? Where is this person posting naked, and who are they telling? I mean if you're going to send a naked picture, than just send it, no need for pleasantries and letting me know that you are going to be posting naked.

26.) TWD- Texting while driving 

#X

Honestly this list looks like something The Onion would post, but nope, it's just one of the most popular news outlets in the entire world.

Dad Catching Heat For Being A Good Dad

So I guess this guy posted this picture on reddit and captioned it, "Just being a dad" and it immediately blew up. At first everyone was praising this guy, but recently people have been coming out and saying that he was being a terrible dad. What world am I living in that this guy is being a bad dad? I mean just look at this situation, two daughters, nail polish, having to share a recliner with another human being, and stickers EVERYWHERE. Fun fact about me, I hate stickers. Why? The same reason I don't have any tattoos, the permanence of it freaks me the fuck out. And this dad is just dealing with the cards he was dealt and handling it like a champ. Letting his daughter paint his toenails and still converting a 3rd and 10 in Madden.

I just don't get how people are saying he's being a bad dad. They're saying he is avoiding them and not spending time with them. Have those people ever dealt with kids before? If you just let them do whatever they want and just kind of say "uh huh" at all of their stories, you are immediately their favorite person in the entire world.  Guarantee these kids will go to dad in the future when the are asking to sleep at Stephanie's house but are really gonna sneak out and sleep at J.J's.

Joseph Fauria Mad At Russell Wilson For Stealing His Girlfriend

So I guess this is the new thing now? Professional athletes airing out their dirty laundry on twitter. First Brennan Clay calling out Demarco Murray and now this. I just don't get it. Joseph Fauria, you're a professional football player, and no homo (Roy Hibbert voice) a good looking one at that. Just go on Tinder for 7 seconds and you'll already have more matches then I have ever had. Now Fauria went on to delete the tweet but that doesn't mean anything. Don't be a poor sport Joe, just keep scoring TD's and then immediately delivering dance floor panty slushies and keep having having a dog that may be the cutest dog ever, and I'm sure you will find a rebound girl really quickly.


Beauty rankings

3.) Joseph Fauria

2.) Erika Ann Hammond

1.) Joseph Fauria's dog

Does This Look Like The Face Of A Guy Who Left A "Large Quantity Of Fecal Matter" In A Hotel Lobby?

And after the party is the hotel lobby, and -- damn it, Ronnie.
Police arrested 31-year-old Ronnie Lee Warfield after he allegedly pulled down his pants in a Charleston, S.C. hotel lobby and defecated on the floor, WCIV reports.
When officers arrived at 3:45 a.m. on Sunday, they found a "large quantity of fecal matter" just outside the bathroom at the Francis Marion Hotel. WCIV reports:

An officer walked into the bathroom and found Warfield cleaning himself in one of the stalls; the door was open and he was exposed to anyone walking in, according to the report.
"I didn't mean to do it," Warfield reportedly told the officer. "I couldn't hold it."
The report states Warfield was detained once he had put his pants back on, and another officer talked to the hotel's night auditor about what she saw.
Warfield reportedly interrupted them, telling the hotel employee: "I can clean it up."

Instead, officers took him to jail on charges of public defecation and indecent exposure.

Ahhhh, the classic "I couldn't hold it so I shit all over the lobby of a hotel and got arrested Saturday night". If I had a nickel for every time I did this I would have exactly 0 nickels. Now don't get me wrong, I've shit my pants, and I've been in a hotel lobby, but I've never combined the two. I'm a little surprised that you can even get arrested for this. Like I get that he pulled his pants down and shit a "large quantity of fecal matter" on the floor but at least he had the decency to be in the process of cleaning it up. So hey Ronnie, I'm not a lawyer but I'd be more than willing to represent you in court. I can see it now, history books will talk about the two biggest cases of all time, "Roe vs. Wade" and "Ronnie Warfield vs. Pooping in the Hotel Lobby"

Brookyln Is Hosting A Smallest Penis Contest

It's time, once again, to make the little things count.
The "Smallest Penis Contest," a nutty competition which debuted last year, will return to Brooklyn's Kings County Bar on June 14.
Per a media release, contestants will be judged in multiple categories, including "poise in both evening wear and bathing wear." In addition to a cash prize (which can optionally be donated to charity), a "wee crown and scepter" will be awarded to the less-endowed man best exhibiting "extraordinary heart, talent, and chutzpa."

No blog needed here, just wondering where exactly you sign up. Asking for a friend.

Kid Gets Bryan Cranston To Ask A Girl To Prom

Hey Stefan, cool name bro. I hate all these promposals that kids do to be creative and to get an OTPHJ (Over the pants hand job) on prom night. And I hate the fact that promposal is a word that people now use everyday. Next thing you know its gonna be recognized as a word in the Webster Dictionary. Promposal- (V.)- meaning when upper middle class teenagers have nothing better to do so they create a ridiculous way to invite some ugly chick to prom in order to get lets of attention on social media. In all seriousness though, why cant you just be like, "hey want to go to prom with me?" instead of writing prom? on a thousand doves and releasing them through your schools hallway.*

But if we are being honest here, this has to be one of the coolest promposals ever. Getting one of the most evil characters on TV to say the line that made everyone shit their pants when he said it, would be the greatest moment of my life. I mean I'd rather have Frank Underwood give some impassioned speech convincing my date why it would be better to go to prom with me rather than anyone else and then knock his ring twice, but now isn't a time for a House of Cards vs. Breaking Bad debate, so good for you Stefan, and enjoy your 3 hours of grinding with Maddy followed by 10 hours of the worst blue balls of your life.

* That didn't actually happen, but I'm using a little something called artistic freedom.

Chick Shits In Tent; Falls In It

Well it looks like British Coachella is off to an intense start!! Get it guys, intense, in tents. This chick needs to watch some "Cosmos" with Neil Degrasse Tyson to learn how gravity works, because in this video she's just not accepting it as a law of nature. And yeah I hate the guy taping it because his commentary is annoying and I hate the main chick because she took a dump in someones tent and then falls in it but I think I hate the blond chick the most. At first she comes in like shes gonna be the knight in muddy armor, but then she just kind of stands there getting in the way of the perfect encapsulation of the 20 somethings who think its awesome to roll their faces off and shit in tents. The beatboxing solo about 2 minutes in was pretty on point though. I think that's what the kid's call "the beat dropping."

Police Officer Crossdresses As An Amish Woman To Catch Child Predator

Police officer Chad Adams dressed as an Amish woman for nearly two months earlier this year, in an attempt to catch a man who Amish families in Western Pennsylvania said was exposing himself to their children.
"I was the butt of jokes from all around, but everyone thought it was a good operation," Adams, a sergeant with the Pulaski Township Police Department, told The Huffington Post.
Adams said in the weeks between the end of December and middle of January, his department investigated several reports of a man exposing himself to Amish children as they walked home from their school. The incidents were reported by Amish people living in New Wilmington, a small town located about 60 miles north of Pittsburgh.

When several days went by without a sighting of the suspect, the police began to wonder what happened to him. It was not long thereafter that they learned authorities in a neighboring county had apprehended someone for allegedly committing similar crimes.

So this is the most emasculating thing of all time, right? Not only did this police officer have to dress up like an Amish woman for weeks, but he didn't even end up catching the diddler? I love how this guy straight up admits that he "was the butt of many jokes, but everyone thought it was a good operation". Aka everyone wanted to pull a prank on someone so they told him that this was totally worth dressing up like an Amish woman to catch a disgusting pedophile even though they were never going to catch him. In the article it says that the only reason this story got out is because the Police Department Facebook page decided to share the picture and tell the story. Sucks to be you bro, can't even cross dress to unsuccessfully try and capture a child predator without being made fun of by the whole country.

The real question is why couldn't he have just hid in a bale of hay in the back of a horse drawn carriage, and waited for this guy to drop trou then pop out and arrest him. The dedication is evident but I think this police officer should be far more embarrassed than he's admitting.

PS- If Adam Sandler ever decides to do a cop movie, than this plot line is right up his alley.

Is Being A Mom The Toughest Job In The World?

Lets just start this off by saying I love my mom. If we were in beer olympics doing a case race, she would be my number one overall pick,  so not only do I love her, but I also respect her. But this video is just ridiculous. You have to be on your feet constantly? Kids take like 3 naps a day. I love how the interviewer threw in that "you have to be able to wear many different hats" like that is some sort of a difficult feat.  If it's so hard to be a mom how come you hire a 16 year old high school chick to take care of your children for hours on end? You trust some teenager who's never worked a real day in her life to do the "toughest job in the world" for a few hours. Makes sense.

Now I've dabbled in sitting on babies and it may be the easiest thing of all time.

8:00 AM: Pour cereal
8:45 AM: Laugh at cartoons
9:45 AM: Watch kid play with toys
11:00 AM: Help Dora Explore
12:00 PM: Make Mac & Cheese. Delicous
1:00 PM: Go to the playground. Display dominance by swinging extremely high.
2:30 PM: Take a nap
4:00 PM: Play with toys and eat candy

Then you rinse and repeat until they are old enough to go to school and then you pawn them off on other adults who's job it is to take care of them.

So what's the real toughest job in the world? The people who work on any show George Lopez has who have to fake laugh at everything that happens

PS- Obligatory Bill Burr